my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i dont even know how to be here
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
