I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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