Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
