It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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