She said her name was "party"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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