i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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