Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
