so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
