Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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