Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
