The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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