I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm passing your future prison.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
