he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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