I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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