I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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