your room smells of hookers.
And success
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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