I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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