I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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