You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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