It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
