billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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