I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
