And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
