WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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