so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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