I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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