...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
