either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
