I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
