Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
