Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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