i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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