I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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