I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
