Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
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Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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