I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
