If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
