FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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