I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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