exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
