We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
