I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
