I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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