My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It's Friday. Sex?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
