He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
