I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
