The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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