wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
