My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
