On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
