you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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