I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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