not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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