Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
