so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
