I'm really into asian looking animals
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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