Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He passed out mid-signature
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
a search helicopter?!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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