guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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