Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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