Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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