Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
