no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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