we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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