Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I have already put on my inside pants.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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