I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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