I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
