sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
