I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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