I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
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Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
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I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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