Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
