eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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