I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm bleeding and have questions
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
