She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
