I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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