Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
